The Happy Happy Birthday Song

I found out on the weekend that Ben’s class has its own birthday song which they sing to any classmates who have birthdays during the school year. I guess someone last year must like the Canadian Group “Arrogant Worms” since a quick search on Google turned up the lyrics. I found out about this song because Ben sang it at a friend’s birthday party last week and they wanted to know the lyrics. So I volunteered to type it out while he sang it from memory.

I thought I would share it here. Be prepared, this is in no way a sentimental tune. It seems like Ben’s class is full of 10 to 12 year old cynics. If you are at all sensitive about birthdays, I suggest you stop now. I haven’t been able to find the tune online so I can listen to the original music. The way Ben sings it sounds like a derivative of “Can-Can”.

Once a year we celebrate
With stupid hats and plastic plates
The fact that you were able to make
A trip around the sun

Then the whole family gathers ‘round
And gifts and laughter do abound
And we let out a joyful sound
And sing that stupid song

Happy Birthday!
Now you’re one year older

Happy Birthday!
Your life still isn’t over

Happy Birthday!
You haven’t accomplished much
But you didn’t die this year
I guess that’s good enough.

So let’s drink to your fading health
And hope you don’t remind yourself
Your chance of finding fame and wealth
Decrease with every year.

Do you feel like you’re doing laps
And eating food and taking naps
And hoping that someday perhaps
Your life will hold some cheer?

Happy Birthday!
What have you done that matters?

Happy Birthday!
You’re starting to get fatter.

Happy Birthday!
It’s downhill from now on.
Try not to remind yourself
Your best years are all gone.

If cryogenics was all free
Then we could live like Walt Disney
And live for all eternity
Inside a block of ice.

But instead your time is set
This is the only life you get
Although it hasn’t ended yet
Sometimes you wish it might.

Happy Birthday!
You wish you had more money

Happy Birthday!
Your life’s so sad it’s funny.

Happy Birthday!
How much more can you take?
All your friends are hungry now
So cut the stupid cake.

Rrroll up the rim to win!

The end of February marks the beginning of an annual Canadian tradition that helps lift us out of the winter blahs – it’s “Roll up the Rim” time at Tim Horton’s. To an outsider, this may seem a bit strange that a Coffee and Donut chain’s contest would be a national tradition, but to most Canadians and those who have experienced the phenomenon or Tim Horton’s it’s a natural experience.

Tim Horton’s has the success that large food and beverage chains around the world all aspire to. They are everywhere. In Canada there is one Tim Horton’s for about every 12,500 people (about 2,500 locations). It is often compared to Starbucks, and a number of other successful US chains. However if all of the Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds locations in the US operated under the same name, that corporate entity would still not have the same 1:12,500 ratio that Tim Horton’s has.

In the city I live in of about 130,000 people, there are 12 locations that I know of. Any trip across town (no matter which route) will take us past at least two and usually five. And all of them are always busy. Some have line ups at the drive through from about 6:00am to 6:00pm.

Last week the chief of staff for our armed forces gave a news conference. In this news conference he gave a list of many of the things the armed forces need from our new government. When talking about immediate priorities, he talked about the Canadian mission to Afghanistan where 2000 of our troops are taking command of the Kandahar region. One of his top priorities for the troops there was to talk to Tim Horton’s and see if they could open up a shop on the base in Kandahar.

In my opinion the success of Tim Horton’s is that it offers a great tasting cup of coffee (not watered down and not strong and bitter) for a very reasonable price and the food is also very good and reasonably priced as well. The coffee is coffee (not 50 different beans and flavours) it’s always fresh and brewed to perfection. They even make a pretty decent cup of tea with their steeped tea that is prepared by the pot.

Tim Horton’s has even added new terms to the English language (well, Canadian English eh). These include “double-double” (two cream and two sugar) and a “regular” coffee (cream and sugar). I found out the hard way that in the US, regular is a size and not the way you prepare the coffee. I ordered a “medium regular” once at a coffee shop in the US. The person just stared at me and said, “Sir, the medium size is the regular size.”

Perhaps one day we will speak the same language…

Change Is Good

Change is good – well at least sometimes. We have a new government in Canada and a new Prime Minister-elect. Thirteen years of government under the Liberal party has ended and they can now take a breath and rebuild. When a party is in power for too long, they get stale, and they get too greedy. I’m looking forward to seeing how the Conservatives can govern in a minority parliament and how the other parties will reach compromises with the Conservatives to give us another two years before we go to the polls again.

In reading Karen’s blog posting on this, I noticed that she had a few comments asking about minority governments, election calls, and trying to find similarities with the US political system. The US media actually wrote quite a bit about it for a Canadian election but they too just used the words and didn’t quite explain it. The comment spaces are too small to go into it in any detail, but I’ll try to explain some of it here.

Let’s start at the top:

Canada’s official head of state is the Governor-General. This position is largely ceremonial; however the GG must sign all bills into law that have passed through Parliament and the Senate. The GG is also the only person able to dissolve parliament and formally call an election (also known as dropping the writ). The GG usually does this at the request of the Prime Minister but has the power to dissolve Parliament and call elections if he or she feels it is in the best interest of the country. The GG is appointed by the Prime Minister and stays for a term of 5 years.

The Senate is an appointed house (however many people want it reformed to be an elected house) and once you are appointed, it is a lifetime term. Once again, the sitting Prime Minister appoints senators when seats become available. The Senate is known as the house of “sober second thought” and must debate and vote on all bills passed by parliament. Only bills that pass the Senate are sent to the GG for assent.

The House of Parliament is where the real action takes place. There are 308 members of Parliament, each representing their constituency or riding (similar to congressional districts). Riding boundaries are decided usually by geography (in the case of the far north) or population (in other areas). The number of ridings and their boundaries are adjusted every few years to keep up with population changes.

The party that wins the most seats is asked to form the government. The leader of that party is then sworn in as Prime Minister. So, in Canada, the Prime Minister is only directly elected by the people in his/her riding, not the entire country. The part with the second-highest number of seats is called the loyal opposition and is required to question the government and hold them to account.

If the winning party has more than half the seats in parliament, they form a majority government. A majority government can implement its policies fairly easily since they can make sure they win every vote.

However, we have a multi-party system. So, sometimes the winning party has the most seats, but not more than half. That is a minority government. A government with a minority must negotiate with the other parties to gain enough support to pass their legislation. This is the type of government Canadians elected in 2004 and now again in 2006 (albeit with different parties winning).

Elections must be called every 5 years. However it is the discretion of the Prime Minister to call and election when he/she sees fit. The only other time is if the governing party loses a “vote of confidence” which could be the defeat of a major government bill like the budget, or the opposition parties force a vote specifically calling for the government to resign and they win that vote (the only time this has ever occurred was in November, 2005). There has been talk of electoral reform where there would be fixed election dates every four years (with the exception of elections forced due to non-confidence votes) so that the Prime Minister would no longer be able to time the election for when they wanted it.

Minority governments in Canada have only averaged a 15-18 month life span. All sides have to keep up appearances of trying to make it work, but the governing party may force the opposition parties to defeat it (if they feel they can get a majority) or the opposition parties will bring down a government if they feel the time is ripe for them.  I personally thing we are going to get two years out of this government because the Liberals have to choose a new leader (Paul Martin, the outgoing PM announced he was resigning as leader of the Liberal Party) and they will need the time to get that new leader and get him/her introduced to the public.

Changing Cars

Every time we say goodbye
I die a little
Every time we say goodbye
I wonder why a little

Every Time We Say Goodbye – Cole Porter

OK, ok so maybe a Cole Porter song is a little too sappy when referring to a car. But you see, I sold my car this week – my 1997 Subaru Legacy sedan which I have had since 2000 and driven over 200,000km (125,000 miles). The most reliable car I’ve ever owned. A car that I truly enjoyed driving for the 5 years I had it. True, it was – no, is – 9 years old. It also has 290,000km (181,250 mi) on the odometer. It’s also in really good condition. It required almost nothing to get its safety certificate. The emissions tests barely registered any of the harmful substances they test for. The body is in great shape and the engine still runs really smooth (you gotta love the Subaru flat boxer engine) and the AWD (all wheel drive) meant I never got stuck in any weather. My new boss was even trying to get me to replace the engine and transmission with that from a Subaru Impreza WRX STi. Did I mention he races Subarus?

So why did I sell it? Well, like all things as they get older, they have to slow down. I know I had great success with this car, but they don’t last forever and I drive way too much to have to rely on a 9 year old car. It was time to say goodbye while I still could get something for it. Besides, Karen can’t drive standard and we wanted an automatic so we could each drive either car.

Now it’s gone. The person I who bought it took possession last night and was already thrilled with it as he drove away. It only took 3 days to sell and the buyer fell in love with it when he drove it. He races as well, and – while he did not buy it for racing – it may indeed someday get its turbocharged makeover.

So, I bought a new car.

The machine of a dream, such a clean machine,
With the pistons a pumpin', and the hubcaps all gleam.
When I'm holding your wheel,
All I hear is your gear,
…
I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile,
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar,
Such a thrill when your radials squeal.
…
When I'm holding your wheel,
All I hear is your gear,
When I'm cruisin' in overdrive,
Don't have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive,

I’m In Love With My Car – Queen

I bought a brand new 2006 Subaru Impreza. This car is a joy to drive (even if it is an automatic). With its 2.5L 175HP 4 cylinder boxer engine and AWD this car has a lot of responsiveness (although not like the 300HP STi or the 400HP my boss gets from his custom-tuned 2.5L engine). It’s enough for me. It’s also the car that I’m going to drive for the next 5 to 7 years.

I looked at a number of other cars before I settled on the Impreza. Front wheel-drive cars just don’t cut it for me anymore – I’m not used to my wheels slipping and feeling the front-end “float” in snowy or wet weather. I also looked at other AWD vehicles, but I noticed how much louder they were and they didn’t handle the same way. I have to say I’m pretty much a Subaru driver now. WOOT!

Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars

Here in my car
I can only receive
I can listen to you
It keeps me stable for days
In cars

Cars – Gary Numan

Dear Santa,

I can explain.

Really, I can.

You see, it’s not all my fault. Ben is naturally inclined to play with words. It’s just normal that he would pick up on my sarcasm and my tendencies to play with the English language. He’s bright. He knows that some words have multiple meanings and beg to be used in humorous ways.

I know when he was three I started playing around with the meanings of words to tease him. I know I consciously taught him to look at words from every angle to get creative. I know my conversations with him at this impressionable age set him down this path.

It’s not all my fault, though.

It’s not my fault that he plays with the language all the time. I know that his sensei told me what he did last karate class. They are learning the use of the bo staff this term in karate. Last class the sensei asked everyone with a bo to gather in one corner. It’s not my fault that Ben had to say, “OK everyone! Let’s all gather over here for the staff meeting.”

That wasn’t my fault.

I’m getting it back now you know. Today on the way to karate I told Ben I am probably going to buy a new car next week – a Subaru Impreza. I told him the best thing about it is the all wheel drive.

His response was, “I am totally awed by that statement”.

I had to think for a second and then groaned as it came to me, “Do you mean awed as in AWD – All Wheel Drive?”

Giggles from the back.

You see, I’m getting payback every day now. Please, show a little sympathy.

I didn’t know he would be a smartass at age 10.

I DON”T WANT A LUMP OF COAL!!!

Arizona in December

I had just started a new job back in 1998. It was during the great tech boom and companies were awash with lots of money. So, my company decided on a new initiative – new employees from around North America would spend 4 days at a resort in Scottsdale, AZ for company orientation.

I’d never been to Arizona. I did know it was supposedly warmer than Southern Ontario, especially since we were going in the middle of December.

I found out the other Canadians who had been invited to this orientation and four of us decided that since our first day there was completely open, we would get in a round of golf.

That Sunday started off at around 70 degrees (F), with a few clouds in the sky. I wore a t-shirt and shorts. We set off for the golf course. The weather was perfect.

Around the third hole, it clouded over and the temperature started to drop.

At the fourth hole, it started to rain.

At the fifth hole, the temperature had dropped to a point where I was starting to feel cold. Other foursomes had left the course, but we Canadians decided we were made of stronger stuff and were going to play through.

At the sixth hole the wind picked up out of the north and I was thinking that shorts might not have been a good idea.

At the seventh hole, our hands started to get too cold to hold the clubs.

Finally, on the eighth hole, the unthinkable happened – it started to snow. Not just wimpy white-lumpy-rain type snow, big thick flakes that started to cover the ground.

We realized that the powers in charge did not want us to finish our game. In fact, we had upset the entire natural order of things by trying to play golf in Scottsdale, AZ in December. We quietly left the course.

Upon arriving at the clubhouse, people were running out in the snow and taking a lot of pictures of the snowscape.

This is how I remember my one and only trip to the hot, dry state of Arizona.

Happy Christmahanukkwanzaakah!!

I was at work writing a proposal when my MSN Messenger agent beeped. It was a message from my manager. It said:

Call 1-888-353-7667

I turned around – he sits right behind me.

“Call the number.”

So I did. And I got the Virgin Mobile Christmahanukkwanzaakah help line and spent the next 10-15 minutes going through all the options and laughing and wondering about the twisted people who put this together.

What was refreshing was the irreverent poke at the political correctness of the season.

So, if you are so inclined, call the number. Have a laugh. Don’t worry, all of the options are recordings and there is no worry about getting a live operator.    

Ignore this post

WARNING!

Do not click this LINK! The HASSELHOFFIAN RECURSION is suspected to cause insanity, loss of appetite and even loss of last two to three meals. I repeat do not click on any LINKS in this post. Rumours abound of people drawn into the HASSELHOFFIAN RECURSION to the point that they forget how to close the window or avert their eyes.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

LEAVE THIS LINK ALONE!

Woot!

Since Karen started posting some of our photos in her Museum of Me, I realized that there were pictures of ours that I would post given the chance. So I created a new blog called Picture Reality. I'll be posting some of my favourites there.

Happy Nondescript Holiday Greetings

My wife Karen’s blog post today
Explains a “politically correct” seasonal
Rift that has affected even those who
Really have no religious inclinations.
Yet, we seem to be in an age where

Christians and those descended from them
Have a certain cultural guilt and oversensitivity
Rising from the awareness that the diversity
In our society is increasing.
Suddenly, this has resulted in
The very sad and
Misguided attempt to hide a certain name of
A certain occasion in December and replace it with “Holiday”.
Sadly, I too must utilize covert means to express myself.

Avon Calling (and calling, and calling...)

I’m really enjoying my new job. It’s great to be back in a professional environment and working for a company that has a sense of where it is going and – more importantly – how to get there.

It’s also a change for me in terms of actually going in to work. I now work about 30 minutes* from home so I can go in every day. My last job was just over an hour from home (on a good day) so I only went in once or twice a week.

The benefit of going in every day is that you get to build more of a relationship with your coworkers. However, depending on your office surroundings, it can also be a bad thing.

Take, for example, where I sit. My desk is right beside our administrative assistant. She is a very nice person and is very good at her job. Also, being the admin assistant, she has a lot of people come and see her for things that they need.

She also sells Avon products.

(This is not a problem.)

At work.

(This too, is not a problem.)

I have to sit beside her desk.

(Still no problem.)

I get to hear all the wonderful Avon-related conversations.

(Problem.)

I learn things I really do not need to know….

1. I do not care about the benefits of Avon mascara. I do not care that it really adds volume to lashes. I also do not need to know that users of this product have to keep their eyes open of a specific length of time. Why? Well, apparently lashes get so long with this mascara that if you close your eyes before it dries the upper and lower lashes will stick together.


2. I do not need to know where people apply their skin cream because it gets so dry in the winter. (For those of you who live in dry climates like the desert states, dry in Southern Ontario is a humidity level of 40% or less. Keep in mind that it only gets that dry when temperatures are below -10 Celsius and the wind chill feels like -15 or lower).


3. I do not need to know how Avon product X is better than other manufacturer’s product Y. I really do not need to know what product Y did to you that one time you tried it.


4. I do not need to know that your aunt/grandmother/mother/mother-in-law, etc. has used Avon products since practically before they were ever even sold.


5. I do not need to know the reasons you are justifying a purchase for yourself when your really should be doing your Christmas shopping.

I JUST DO NOT NEED TO KNOW.

But now I do.


*P.S. For those of you who noticed, it is apparently a Canadian – and I understand an Idahoan – trait to measure distances by time. Actual distances for those who measure distance in something other than time are 55km and 103km.    

Morning Groaner

Ben came up to me this morning
       With a mischievous grin on his face
“Dad, can I show you something?”
      The twinkling eyes, the little grin
   He was planning something
         And I was walking right into it
     He showed me his pile of library books
          All thirteen of them
       All Hardy Boys books
         “You see this pile of books?”
“Yes” – still not sure why the grin is there
               “It’s thirteen stories tall.”
         Yep, he’s my son alright.    

Let the Games Begin

It’s official (almost) – Canadians will be off to the polls to elect a new Federal government. The current government was defeated in a vote of non-confidence today and the Governor General will be asked to dissolve parliament tomorrow. For the next 7 or 8 weeks we will be subjected to the rigors of a Federal election.

I’m happy the politicians finally got it over with. Canadians may grumble about having to go out and vote in the middle of January, but those who actually do take the time to exercise their democratic duty will go and vote despite the weather.

The thing really struck me while watching the coverage of the vote tonight is how simple our form of parliamentary democracy makes it to dissolve the government and call an election. The majority of the elected members of parliament voted that they had no confidence in the ruling party to continue to govern. Now it goes back to the people to decide who will go back in February and try again.

A simple vote, a simple outcome, now the people get to decide again.

Let the games begin.

Another Beginning

Today was my first day in my new job.

Last week I kicked back, relaxed, and spent the week with Karen. It was heavenly and a good time to recharge my batteries.

Back to today. I left early in order to make it there in plenty of time – I’m kind of old fashioned that you should actually show up on time for your first day. Well, the fog had a different idea. Having 5-10 inches of snow on the ground from the weekend and then temperatures well above freezing today resulted in dense fog this morning. I was 30 minutes late. It was more of a problem in my mind than for anyone at my new employer.

They were all just happy to see me and to finally have me “back” on board. While I am working with a lot of the same people I had worked with for five years (I left last December), the new company is a lot different then the one I left.

In very good ways, It was like I had never left. I had no first day nervousness or “newbie” feelings. I knew this is where I want to be. I felt completely comfortable. More comfortable than I had EVER felt at the employer I just left. I was even busy all day with a couple of organizational meetings and two customer calls.

Now all I need is my computer and phone and I can really get to work.

My last Day at Work

I quit
I’m done
Ooh ya-ah
Ooh ya-ah
Gettin’ outta hee-yah

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

I had hoped that my employment saga would be over by now. By all rights it should be, but things seldom turn out as planned.

I have a new job which I have now formally accepted. As I write this, I am less than two weeks away from my start date. Everything is great on that front – I am very happy with the offer I accepted and the people there are eager to see me start.

It’s my current employer where things are not going quite how I had planned. I had a meeting booked to speak with the owner on Thursday afternoon.  At that point, I had signed my new offer of employment. I was expecting the following things would happen:

1. I would meet with the owner. We would chat about the things that I had concerns about.


2. I would deliver the signed acceptance papers to my new employer on the way home.


3. I would arrive Friday morning and promptly resign.


4. I would be asked to leave and my notice paid since I am going to a direct competitor.


5. I would get a couple of weeks off work (during the paid notice) and start my new job.


6. I would have a clean break and leave this job behind.

Pretty simple, eh? But alas, the fickle finger of fate had something much different in mind. Here’s how it actually went:

1. I met with the owner Thursday. I had an hour booked with him. I got 15 minutes. He suggested booking something for late Friday afternoon to continue. Fearing a long day on Friday, I asked for an 8:00am meeting to get it over with quickly.


2. My co-worker, (a close friend who we will call X) called the owner and two of the managers (not our direct manager, mind you) and told them that he was afraid I would resign the following morning. He did this with my full knowledge, in part to offset any criticisms that he would have faced if I just went in and resigned.


3. I met with the owner on Friday. He told me about the call he received, and we chatted. I told him about the problems I had with my existing manager – the lies, the lack of leadership and, most importantly, the integrity issues. I kept my personal opinions to a minimum and concentrated on the facts and the resulting business issues. The owner appeared concerned with what I had told him.


4. At the end of the conversation I formally resigned. I told him that I was prepared to be walked out and I would understand. He told me to work it out with X, and that he knew I would not put myself in a conflict of interest. He also told me in no uncertain terms that I could come back at any time and a position would be there for me. So my dreams of two weeks off now disappeared.


5. I talked to X, he wanted me to work the two weeks because he really does not want to see me leave (separation anxiety). I told him I would stay until Thursday (new Harry Potter movie opens Friday and we are seeing it in IMAX).


6. The owner called my direct manager and told him I resigned. My manager was on vacation last week, and he lives in another province. When the owner found out he was on vacation in town, he told him to come in for a meeting on Saturday morning.


7. Our manager kept calling X every five minutes. When X actually answered the call, our manager lied to him. He told X that he had not heard anything – yet he knew that I had resigned and where I was going. He also told X that he had not heard from the owner – he knew that X had talked to the owner and then confessed that the owner had called him.


8. Our manager called X again on Friday evening. He said that we were trying to stage a coup and that he would get everyone back.


9. Now there is a lot of political maneuvering going on.


10. I want to get out of there. Thursday cannot come fast enough.

It’s amazing the way your perspective changes the minute you resign from a company. I’m still there only for X so I can transition the few things I had left.

One good thing that did happen today is that I bumped into the VP of sales. He expressed regret that I was leaving but he fully understood my position. He told me that he too had left several years ago because he was fed up and the resulting repercussions and changes after he left allowed him to come back to a better company and a better position. He told me that he would be more than happy to provide a reference at any time and that he would make sure a position was there if I ever wanted to come back.

At least I’m leaving on good terms. The bridges that matter are still intact. I haven't burned a single one.

Oh the weather outside is frightful (well, not yet)

It’s mid-November and all across this vast country weather forecasts are starting to use that four-letter word that no one is ambivalent about – S N O W. Yes, that’s right we are heading towards another Canadian winter. Without fail this even seems to take people who have lived here all their lives by complete surprise.

What? Winter? Already? It can’t be!  AHHHHHHHHH

Let me get this straight. All of us souls up here north of the 49th live in a country with four seasons (although never having lived above the tree line, I’m not sure exactly what the seasons look like in the Arctic – Proud Mum?). Winter seems to come every 12 months or so without fail and tends to hang around for at least 3-4 months (unless you live in Vancouver and once or twice a decade you have to go out and shovel in your Birkenstocks).  Winter is something that Canada is known for, and we quite often export Arctic air flows south of the 49th to balance the hurricane remnants that come north.

I’ve lived in Southern Ontario all my life. For those of you unfamiliar with Southern Ontario, we have a really interesting climate. Surrounded by the Great Lakes, we have very moist air. A humidity level of 40% is very dry for us and in the summer the humidity levels can stay up above 90% for weeks on end. We can go from a maximum sustained temperature of 38 to a wonderful -30 in the winter (not counting Humidex or Wind Chill – Oh, that’s in Celsius). But I love the fact that we actually have four distinct seasons. It allows you to measure your life and you can always remember what time of year things happened.

Yet, it becomes a Canadian tradition to complain, go into denial and just try and forget what will soon come down and cover the ground in a clean white blanket ready for the rebirth of life the following spring (whoa – too sappy!).

So, after that long setup, here are the types of people that get on my nerves at this time of year. What is really funny (to me) is that many people actually fit into more than one of these categories.

1. The denial junkie – Snow already? But it’s only November! I hate snow. When is it going to be summer again? Blah blah blah. You live in a country with seasons. You live in a country known for snow. If you don’t like it, there are many countries and areas of the world that don’t get any of this fluffy white stuff. They may even actually be happy to see you.


2. The White Christmas Winter – I’m really annoyed when I hear “I only love snow when it is on the ground from December 22 – 27. After that it can go away.” Well, I’m very sure that if you did an exhaustive search of global meteorological data that you could find the 5 square meters of the earth’s surface that actually fit these criteria and move there. As for Canada – where you live – we just haven’t gotten to the point where we can dictate when and where we will get the white stuff.


3. What is this stuff on the highway? – When the first significant snowfall of the year comes (read – “actually stays on the ground”), I like to stay home. Why, because commuting into and out of Toronto is a nightmare on those days. There is a certain subset of drivers that forget we have winter and obviously never listen to the weather report. All they see is this “white lumpy rain” and continue to drive like it’s a bright sunny day in July. So traffic becomes a mess because of these people. It’s really funny though, most of the vehicles I see scattered off the road during a snowstorm are usually the “safe” SUVs. It makes you wonder.


4. Wanna-be Snowbirds – Now these people really get me. These are the  people who say “I hate winter, I’m going to move to Florida”. Now, I have nothing against Florida, but why would your first choice for permanently escaping winter be an area that over the past few years has been a favourite target of hurricanes? Oh, I know, they’ll move back to Canada for hurricane season. Give me a break.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

    

Monte Carlo Ain't The Right Car

An ode to a rental car. My deepest apologies to the Smiths.

I was happy driving my old Subaru
But then I had to go rent a car

I was looking for a car, and then I found a car
And heaven knows that's not the right car!

In my life
I never thought that I'd be caught dead
In a Monte Carlo that's FIRE ENGINE RED!

When I got on the road in this automobile
I realized it wasn't for me

Why I'd ever rent this car, this really ugly car
The last car on the lot was Monte

So I'm stuck
With it for my five hour drive
In a red car that makes me quite sad

When I brought it home from the rental place
Karen started to laugh

"That car is really too red", she said
And I just shook my head

Why oh why
Did they not have
An auto that would much better suit my own style?

So I'm driving in this car down the 401
Showing the whole world my full Monte

"The moonroof completes the look", she said
And I just hung my head

And so I
Put up with this miserable car
Since my company is paying the bill.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

I must be tired to quote Shakespeare in a blog title. I'm sitting here during the middle of a two day trip for my current company to visit some of the customers we have here. I'm the token expert and the sales people here are making sure they get me out in front of some of their customers. So I'm doing my job and selling my company and our skills at providing high-end technical solutions.

Here's where the title comes in - I also was on the phone tonight with the person who I will soon be reporting to at my new employer. He came back with a verbal offer and wanted to go over the points that will be in the offer letter. We have an agreement.

So tomorrow, I have to meet some more customers and go through the whole dog and pony show again because it is what I am currently paid to do. But in my mind, I will know that I am one step closer to leaving to go to a direct competitor. It's enough to make my brain hurt.

To complicate matters even further, another key person in my current company resigned last week. Now, all of a sudden, certain managers I work with are worried that I might leave. If they only knew the whole story. One even met with me last week to ask what was wrong. I told her - not that I have an offer and am about to leave - everything that concerned me about my current manager and the company.

She told the owner, of course. I had expected that. Now he may have time to talk to me on Thursday. Who knows, I may have actually signed my offer by then and it will be moot.

I just wish I had been the first person to leave, then I wouldn't have some of these complications. I'm not the type of person to burn bridges - the industry is too small and you keep meeting up with people so you never know what the future holds.

However I will have to battle with myself to not use one of my favourite sayings if someone asks why I'm resigning:

It's been real
It's been nice
But, quite honestly, it hasn't been real nice

In the Home Stretch

Well, I’m in the home stretch with my job search (I hope). The company that was putting me through the marathon interviews finally made a decision. I was no longer being considered for the management position because they wanted me for the non-management one. After close to three weeks of stress and seemingly never-ending interviews, they informed me that I was their number one choice. We started talking seriously about compensation.

But wait, I did have my meeting last week with company number 2. I asked a lot of questions of the senior management team for this part of Canada. I needed to make sure that while a lot of the people are the same, the new company is actually a new company. To my surprise it is. None of the senior management from my former company are left. People are starting to come back. An office that was as quiet as a tomb for pretty much all of 2004 was alive with activity, noise and – dare I say – smiling faces. This was not the same company.

They have made me a verbal offer of employment for a position that was pretty much the one I held before the former company tanked. It was a job I enjoyed. They are offering me a technical management position with a national responsibility.

So on one hand I had Company A which I’ve wanted to be a part of for a long time has a lot of stability and ranked me as their number one choice. On the other hand is Company B which is full of people I worked with for 5 years who would like nothing better to have me back and want no one else for the position they are offering.

I chose Company B. I know I may never get a chance to work for Company A again, but I really won’t regret it. I’ve been offered a position that will allow me to use all of my skills rather than boosting a select subset of them. For the first time in months, I am looking forward to the future and I am relaxed – as soon as I had made my decision a lot of my stress left me and that further reinforced that I made the right choice for me.

I had to let the manager from company A know even though I don’t have company B’s offer on paper and signed. I know they need to move ahead quickly and I did not want to stretch it out for them. Besides, I know that I would never get everything I’m looking for in a job out of them. It took a moment for my decision to sink in. I don’t think many people turn down job offers from company A.

So, I’m cautiously optimistic. I don’t have an offer in writing, but that will come. Provided nothing changes drastically, I should be changing employers this month.